


i breathe you in (exhalt your flames)

by orphan_account



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Proko is a masochist, Proko's first time, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans!Jiang, and likes when Jiang calls him good/pretty boy, becaude K is an asshole, with Jiang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:28:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9611450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You should not,” Jiang grinds out, “lose your virginity to Joseph fucking Kavinsky. Ilya he's gonna mess you up, it’s not going to be-” Jiang makes a frustrated noise and brings his free hand up to to fist it in his dark hair. Jiang is so protective over him in this moment that Proko feels words crawl up his throat burning all the way, horrible words that he suddenly means with his whole being but shouldn't say-“It should be you.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FalseCamaro (Gandalfgirl579)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gandalfgirl579/gifts).



> This work was inspired by As Dreamers Do (by the author this work is gifted to because I'm on mobile and can't do links) and the first two paragraph things are from the end of a scene in that fic. I have permission to use those lines and definitely appreciate it :)

Jiang stopped then, turning on the hardwood to level Proko with a soft, furrow-browed stare. “You’re too good to be true, y’know that?” There was something almost envious in his voice. 

A scoff, and Proko lifted his fingers to the fresh ink behind his ear. Very softly, he admitted, “I'm not as good as you think.” 

“Hey,” Jiang reprimands softly and Proko’s cheeks heat up. Jiang lifts his hand and grabs Proko’s, pulling it away from his ear. He doesn't let go when their hands hang between them.

“Don't talk like that Proko,” Jiang says, calm and quiet but with a bright ferocity to his pitch black eyes. Proko's doesn't know what to say and Jiang doesn't seem inclined to speak either, or let go of his hand, so Proko stands there quietly. 

His phone ringing breaks the silence between them and Proko jumps, hand letting go of Jiang’s and shooting to his pocket to grab it. It's Kavinsky.

Proko accepts the call and puts the phone to his ear, “Yeah K I'm com-” 

“No,” K interrupts and Proko pauses, confused.

“Mom called, don't know why she fucking cares but she found what I took from her stash and now she's screaming loud enough to bring the damn house down. I'm already gone,” Kavinsky adds, as if it wasn't obvious, and hangs up. Proko stands frozen in disbelief for a second before he slowly lowers the phone from his ear and locks it. He doesn't realize he's staring blankly at the ground until soft fingers catch his chin and pull his head up. 

“Proko?” Jiang says softly and something about hearing K’s nickname makes his face twitch uncomfortably. Jiang brings up his thumb to hold Proko’s chin and maintain their eye contact. Proko exhales a smooth breath and watches the hairs on Jiang’s arm stand up. 

“K’s busy,” he says softly. His brain suddenly catches up with what his mouth is about to say and starts trying to catch him, telling him this is a bad idea but his mouth has a mind of its own as it asks, “can I come inside?” 

Jiang doesn't hesitate to step back and grab his door handle, twisting it open and waiting for Proko to enter first. 

The room is dark and there's no one else in the room. Jiang shuts the door behind himself as Proko hovers. He places a gentle hand on Proko's back and propels him gently toward one of the beds. 

“P-” Jiang starts and Proko’s head shrinks down and his shoulders come up. He peels his shoes off so he can curl his knees up to his chest after sitting in the bed. Jiang pauses when Proko makes himself small. 

“What's wrong?” Jiang says instead and Proko rests his temple on his knee, looking at Jiang steadily. 

“My name is Ilya,” he says and Jiang blinks, his face going soft and surprised.

“What?” Jiang asks in confusion.

“Ilya Prokopenko,” He says, picking at a rip on his jeans, “that's my name. Joey said Prokopenko was a mouthful, and that Ilya was too pretty. So he calls me Proko.”

Jiang’s eyes narrow into little slits.

“Nothing,” he says seriously, twisting to look at Proko more fully and leaning forward slightly, “is too pretty for you. Ilya,” he adds and Proko smiles suddenly, cheeks going warm. He likes the way Jiang says his name. 

Jiang brings a hand up slowly and puts it on Proko’s shoulder. He pushes a little. Proko obediently straightens his back, and with more prodding his heart starts to flutter as he bends to the pressure and turns to lay back on the bed. Jiang follows with him until he's lying alongside Proko, propped on an elbow and back to the wall. Proko looks up at him, cheeks flushed and heart pounding. 

“You shouldn't be with him Ilya,” Jiang says firmly and Proko has to close his eyes. 

“You should-” 

“I know,” Proko cuts him off, opening his eyes. Jiang stares. 

“I know what you think,” Proko goes on and Jiang’s lips flatten into a thin line. 

“I know you think he's not good for me-”

“He's going to hurt you,” Jiang hisses and Proko stares back at him. Jiang rolls his eyes. 

“He's going to hurt you in a bad way, in a way that doesn't get you off but fucking breaks you and that you won't come back from,” Jiang says fiercely and Proko has to look away, his eyes flicking to the collar of Jiang’s shirt. 

“What was so important he left you alone with me?” Jiang asks suddenly and Proko sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. 

“His mom found his drugs,” he says reluctantly, “and I guess she went kind batshit.” 

Jiang’s sneer is harsh and angry, a gaping hole between them. 

“He left you with me,” Jiang says, a heavy weight behind ‘with me’, “to go rescue his drugs.” Proko bites at his bottom lip as his nerves fray more under Jiang’s burning stare.

“There are two things you can't give to a guy like that Ilya,” Jiang says seriously, using his name again. Proko shivers and he knows Jiang notices. 

“See?” Jiang says, dragging the nail of the index finger on his free hand over Proko’s neck and saying, “pretty name for a pretty boy.”

Proko's blood crackles at the endearment and, going against a voice that sounds like Kavinsky yelling in his head, tilts his head back slightly. Invitingly. Jiang smiles appreciatively.

“What can't I give him?” Proko asks, thinking he knows the answer but wanting to hear Jiang say it. Jiang unfortunately removes his hand from Proko’s neck to hold up two fingers. 

“Your heart,” he says, ticking off one, “and your virginity.” Proko starts a bit, not expecting that, and Jiang’s eyes seem to get darker.

“Have you already?” Jiang asks and Proko’s cheeks burn as he shakes his head slowly. Jiang nods, having guessed, but then his jaw flexes as he clenches his teeth. 

“You should not,” Jiang grinds out, “lose your virginity to Joseph fucking Kavinsky. Ilya he's gonna mess you up, it’s not going to be-” Jiang makes a frustrated noise and brings his free hand up to to fist it in his dark hair. Jiang is so protective over him in this moment that Proko feels words crawl up his throat burning all the way, horrible words that he suddenly means with his whole being but shouldn't say-

“It should be you.”

Proko can't catch them and the words drop into the room with the crash of a lead weight hitting the floor. He refuses to take them back as Jiang stares at him in a hopeful kind of disbelief. 

“It's should be you,” he whispers again as Jiang stares at him. Proko props himself up on his elbows. Jiang's sways forward and it could almost be on accident. Almost. Proko doesn't believe it is.

“Ilya,” Jiang says cautiously, “do you want me to fuck you?” Jiang shifts slightly toward him, with more purpose, and stays there when the sway had brought him forward and taken him away like the reach of a wave.

“Yes,” Proko rasps. Jiang leans forward, looming over Proko, and kisses him. 

Kavinsky kisses like it’s fight, like a constant take take take and Proko likes that. But Jiang kisses like he's putting fuel on a fire and Prokopenko burns. 

Jiang pulls away for a second with a rare hesitant look and starts to speak again.

“And you don't mind that I'm-” but Proko shakes his head which shushes him. 

“Do you have a-” Proko cuts himself off and turns scarlet. It serves to bring back the confident Jiang.

“Of course I do,” he purrs and they're kissing again. Jiangs lips are warm and soft, tempting Proko's lips to move against his, then tempting them to open and let Jiang flick his tongue on Proko’s. He trembles.

Jiang shifts to straddle Proko and his hands are everywhere. Proko suddenly becomes aware of his own as Jiang tangles their fingers and whispers “touch me” guiding Proko's hands to his hips one at a time.

Proko's hands slide over his ribs, up and down, once, twice as he tries to split his attention between Jiang pulling his lip with his teeth and touching him. Suddenly Jiang pulls away, and Proko makes a noise of protest until Jiang moves to pull off his shirt. Proko’s hands, having followed him up, flutter nervously against his waist. Jiang’s skin is warm and smooth beneath Proko’s hands. Jiang leans back down. 

He's got a scar on his collar bone that looks old and deep, and ones on his back that Proko can't judge adequately. They and the rest of Jiang’s skin slide under his nervous sweat-sticky fingers like silk. Jiang’s top surgery scars curve across his ribs and Proko hesitates until Jiang guides his hand to trace one, pulling out of their kiss. 

“Don't be afraid of them,” Jiang whispers and Proko shakes his head drawing his hand over the scar again. Jiang moves back and up, pulling Proko with him, until they're sitting up, pressed flush together. Jiang backs off of Proko, unhooking his legs from sitting on either side of Proko's thighs and settling between his legs. Then he grabs Proko by the waist to pull him forward. 

Proko moves to straddle him, their positions flipped from how they were before. Jiang’s hands slide up Proko's thighs and he grabs Proko's ass, making a startled but not displeased whimper pass his lips. Proko shudders as his hands find Jiang’s hair.

“Are you-” Jiang starts to whisper into the side of Proko's neck, flicking his tongue over Proko’s pulse. Proko tilts his head and whimpers again as Jiang cuts himself off. Proko knows he's thinking of the alternative, of Kavinsky doing this for Proko, taking this from Proko. Jiang stops talking and bites down on Proko's pulse.  
It's overwhelming and perfect as Jiang sucks a stinging bruise onto Proko's delicate skin and Proko is allowed to roll his hips into Jiang. He's high on the feeling of skin under his hands. 

“Yes,” Proko gasps as Jiang’s fingers dip into the waist of his jeans, “yes.” 

Jiang moves him backwards off his lap, puts cold floor under Proko's bare feet as he makes Proko stand on wobbly legs for as long as it takes Proko to get his pants and briefs off. Then he makes Proko stand for a second longer, taking Proko's cock in his hand. Proko’s hands shoot to his hair. He kisses the tip and Proko might be pulling out a few hairs with how hard he grips Jiang’s hair when Jiang flicks his tongue.

“Jiang,” Proko gasps as his body shakes, “please.” Jiang lets him go and stands, then sheds his own pants. Proko doesn't know where to look for a second, not wanting to make Jiang uncomfortable; he's kind of curious but embarrassed by his curiosity. Jiang’s voice comes back to him, 'don't be scared.'

Jiang waits for Proko to make the tensions leave his shoulders, until Proko's eyes leave his and start to roam. They flick nervously around Jiang’s form and Jiang just stands patiently. Proko looks at Jiang’s hip for a second then darts his eyes back to his face. At Jiang’s easy expression Proko releases a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and does a curious once over of Jiang before moving forward to kiss him.

When Jiang moves back, his thighs hitting the bed, Jiang does his own over exaggerated once over and ends it with an approving hum. Proko's cheeks flush and he wants to move in for a kiss again, but before he can Jiang speaks. 

“Pretty boy,” he murmurs, running his nails over Proko’s ribs. Goose bumps break out on his skin and Proko shudders. Jiang moves forward, both his hands scratching lightly over Proko’s ribs and his teeth grazing the juncture between his neck and shoulder. 

“Get on your front, put the pillow under your hips,” Jiang murmurs into Proko's skin and Proko exhales shakily, leaning into his mouth before Jiang pulls away. Then Proko follows his instructions. When he's on his stomach he feels on display, his hips propped up on the stiff pillow and it sends crackling curls of pleasure all over his body.

Proko hears the dresser drawer open and after a beat close. There's a shuffle and Proko waits until Jiang comes back to the bed. 

“Good boy,” Jiang mumbles, passing a hand over Proko's hip and Proko shudders, pressing his face in to the charcoal colored comforter He hears the lube cap pop and he stops breathing, his body freezing up. Jiangs hand lands gently on the small of his back.

“Breathe Ilya,” he soothes and Proko forces out a shuddering breath. 

“I'm just nervous. Just- go slow,” he says, getting quiet and timid with the last couple words. A surprisingly sweet kiss lands on the small of his back, followed by a less sweet skim of teeth. 

“Of course I will,” Jiang promises with a heavy fierceness and Proko melts under the sureness in his tone. Following the theme of the night Proko’s tongue feels loose as Jiang’s dry thumb skims over his hole. Words tickle the back of his throat and knowing he won't be able to stop them he speaks as quietly as possible

“Make love to me,” he whispers; almost no sound comes out and something in him hopes Jiang doesn't hear him. He wouldn't dare say anything like this to Joey why should he say it to Jiang-

But Jiang lays himself over Proko’s back and Proko knows Jiang heard him. The strap-on brushes the back of his thighs as Jiang supports himself over Proko’s body and tilts Proko's head for a surprisingly sweet kiss. 

“Whatever you want,” Jiang promises softly and it hits Proko hard that this was how it was always going to be. He's with Kavinsky, he's giving Kavinsky everything, but this right here was always going to be for Jiang. 

Jiang slides off of him, his strap-on sliding over Proko's ass and Proko's own cock throbs. He pushes his hips back, just slightly. 

“Jiang,” he begs in a normal tone and Jiang’s gentle left hand slides over the left side of Proko's ass. The pinky of his right hand traces little pattern on the other cheek as the lube cap pops again.

“Okay?” Jiang days and Proko makes sure he's relaxed again before nodding.

“Yes-” he says, but it chokes off into a gasp as a cool lube slick finger prods his hole. 

“Yes,” he says more insistently when Jiang pauses and with an aching but necessary slowness Jiang pushes his finger forward. 

It's uncomfortable and Proko makes a corresponding noise, but there's something about it (probably the masochistic aspect of his sexuality) that makes it an entirely welcome feeling. Jiang strokes his hip, pausing when his finger is all the way in and Proko breathes through it. The burn lessens and the shudders of his breaths even out. He relaxes muscles he hadn’t even realized had gone tense. 

“Okay,” he mumbles and Jiang moves his finger slowly, rubbing his walls experimentally and just generally getting Prokopenko used to the sensation. When Proko starts letting out little sighs another finger presses against the rim of Proko's hole. A shudder goes through Proko, but he doesn't freeze up, staying as relaxed as he can as Jiang's middle finger presses to him and then enters him. It's uncomfortable again and the adjustment much the same. But when he relaxes his shoulders and tells Jiang, “yeah” Jiang starts to move his fingers slowly and Prokopenko feels heat prickle across his chest and abdomen. 

When Jiang starts to really stretch him, scissoring his fingers and curling them Proko starts to let out small gasps and ‘ah’s moving back almost without noticing to meet the push of Jiang's fingers. Then Proko pushes himself back as Jiang pushes in and curls his fingers at the same time. Prokopenko gasps loudly, letting out a moan at the sudden sensation. Jiang curls his fingers and finds his prostate again and he keens quietly, restraining himself from moving to keep Jiang's fingers there for as long as he can. 

“Ilya,” Jiang breaths and Proko whines in response, his body trembling. Jiang removes his fingers all too soon and Proko whines at the loss, but then his fingers are pressing back in with a third alongside them. Proko's brain is fuzzy and this time the burn doesn't clear it at all. He's too far into it now and all the pain does is bring him more pleasure. He starts whining and whimpering as soon as it starts to fade and presses back against Jiang. 

“Jiang,” he murmurs and Jiang's hand still on his ass clenches, making Proko gasp and grind back. 

“Jiang please,” he begs, his voice getting louder as Jiang moves his fingers. 

“Jiang fuck me, please,” he groans quietly, Jiang thrusting his three fingers in and out. 

“I am fucking you,” Jiang tries to tease but his voice is thick and Proko shoves back against him. 

“I need- Jiang,” Proko huffs, letting himself moan Jiang name loudly and shamelessly and he brushes his prostate again. Proko wonders if anyone can hear him and the thought makes his cock throb painfully as he whines and pushes back on Jiang’s fingers. 

When Jiang removes his fingers yet again Proko wants to protest but he hears a slick sliding noise and trembles. The first press of the strap-on makes the trembling worse, anticipation sending impossible pleasure and adrenaline through his body. 

Jiang presses forward slowly and through the stretch Proko thinks hazily, ‘this is it, I'm losing my virginity to Jiang.’ Proko makes a noise of discomfort as Jiang pushes in and his movement pauses so he can stroke his hands over Proko’s ass. 

“Breathe Ilya,” Jiang reminds him and Proko sighs, letting his body relax again. 

“Yeah,” he says surprisingly clearly, “keep going.” Jiang presses forward, stopping whenever Proko make a noise until it's not possible to go any further. They both pause for a second, Proko breathing heavily and he hears Jiang’s breathing stutter behind him.

“God Ilya you look so good,” he groans and Proko whimpers in response. 

“You deserved better than him for your first time and you went and got it,” Jiang says as Proko adjusts; carefully he bends, pressing a kiss into the center of Prokopenko’s back, “what a good boy.” 

Proko can't possibly blush anymore but pleasure still rushes through him and he clutches the blanket in his fist, making a contented noise. Good boy. 

“Move,” he says quietly, pushing back slightly, and Jiang slides a hand to his hip to make him stay still. 

Jiang pulls out a little and thrusts back in, pulls out farther and pushes back in. He does it again and again, drawing out little pleased sighs from Proko’s throat as he pulls it farther and pushes in harder each time. Finally he pulls out almost all the way and slams back in. It knocks a moan out of Proko’s chest. Proko’s hands scrabble for purchase on the sheets as Jiang’s thrusts knock him forward. He starts to push back, meeting Jiang’s thrusts and Jiang swears, snapping his hips to Proko's ass and making Proko gasp.

“You,” Jiang says thickly, “have no idea how you look right now. Pretty boy.” Proko keens at the praise and raises himself to his elbows for more power to push backwards as Jiang snaps his hips forward. It changes the angle just slightly, and with Jiang’s hands on his hips pushing down a little it makes the angle perfect. The first brush against his prostate makes Proko shout.

“Yes,” he gasps desperately, skin buzzing, “harder.” Jiang obliges beautifully, snapping his hips harder and Proko's moans come out in aborted ‘oh’s being punched out of him each time Jiang jostles him forward. Jiang’s fingers curl and grip his hips harder, his nails stinging Proko’s skin. It's perfect. 

“Jiang,” he whines as pleasure builds low in his abdomen and Jiang responds by bending in half to bite and lick at Proko's shoulders, rolling his hips against Proko and eliciting little whines of pleasure. 

“I'm gonna come,” he whimpers and Jiang removes his hands from Proko’s hips, dragging his nails over Proko’s ribs and making Proko whine and squirm. Jiang whispers, “come on Ilya, come for me,” as he straightens up and snaps his hips hard against Prokopenko. 

 

Proko's body locks like an vice as his abdomen tightens and he's coming, alternating swear words with Jiang's name as he moans and whimpers through the peak of his climax. Jiang slows his thrusts as Proko comes down from his high and Proko sighs and makes a quiet noise at the sensation of Jiang pulling out. A shift of Jiang off the bed and a minute later Jiang grabs him and manhandles him gently onto his back, laying half on top of him to seal their mouths together again.

“You're not a virgin anymore,” he mumbles against the sensitive spot under Proko's ear and Proko shudders. 

“I want-” he starts and then makes a noise of frustration. Jiang waits for him, pulling back to look into Proko's blue eyes with his black ones and Proko fumbles over the words, “can I get you off?” Jiang stops and actually thinks about it, and Proko can only wait where he lays pinned under Jiang’s body. 

“Yes,” he decides finally and Proko's flush deepens as he murmurs, “tell me what to do.” Jiangs dark eyes burn into him for a moment and then he sits up, straddling Prokopenko. He pulls Proko's shoulders until Proko sits up too. 

“Give me your hand,” Jiang instructs and Proko obediently holds out his right hand.  
Jiang takes it and guides it between his legs. 

“Are you sure?” Proko asks, keeping his hand still against Jiang’s body. Jiang levels him with a dark stare, with the same confident intensity that he always has. Proko feels something in him bloom under the attention. 

“I've been working through this a long time Proko,” he says, his voice soft but intense, “and I know the only one allowed to judge and label my body is me. I'm a boy. I just happen to have a vagina; it changes nothing.” Proko feels something like admiration swell in his chest and for lack of words he moves his hand forward.  
Jiang keeps eye contact until Prokopenko’s fingers find the place where his body gives, said body yielding to the slight press in of Proko's fingers. Prokopenko doesn't know really what he's doing, but Jiang hasn't forgotten. 

“Move your finger”, he says easily, “curl it-” he says and then cuts himself off to let out a small gasp and he says breathlessly, “yeah like that.”

Prokopenko follows what Jiang says, adding a second finger when Jiang tells him and rubbing more than thrusting. He finds a perfect medium between the two that Jiang likes. Jiang lets out quiet breathy moans as Proko moves his hand inside of Jiang, his fingers encompassed by wet and hot. The better Proko follows instruction the less coherent Jiang speaks, but the better Proko does the more confident he feels. 

“Ilya,” Jiang rasps and grinds his hips down. He moves his hand, the one he'd used to guide Proko’s, and brings it to rub himself. Proko watches his hand and feels arousal stir in him again. He look up to find Jiang already looking at him, his black eyes half open and his lips curled smugly. 

Proko doesn't get much warning; Jiang’s breathing jumps, his muscles tremble, and then his body clenches on Proko as Proko and Jiang drive Jiang through his orgasm. Jiang shudders, his body relaxing but still twitching around Proko’s fingers as he pants, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Proko’s. They stay there for a few seconds as Proko withdraws his hand. When he goes to move off Proko's lap his thigh brushes Proko's half hard again cock. He looks at Proko mischievously, seeming lighter and more playful. 

“Do you want me to suck-” he starts to say, speaking seriously but with a teasing edge, but at the sound of a knock on the door his voice dies. They both stare at the dark wood of the door.

“Proko?” They hear outside the door and Prokopenko freezes.

“Prokopenko!” He hears in Kavinsky's sing song voice which means he's high as a kite, “false alarm, mom was just tripping or something and Swan said you didn't come back to the room. You in there?”

**Author's Note:**

> check my bio for my tumblr


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